Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Is she still mine??

Buried all the differences
Wanted to start everything new..
Reached the party
when the people were so few..

The diamond necklace on that
stunning black dress..
Beautifying the beauty as if
a dove in a cloudy mess..

Mustering courage
with the hope of a new dawn..
Buttoning the suit
i was even willing to fawn..

But my eyes signaled
something else to my mind..
She was with someone who
certainly was not her kind..

Sam - the flirt,
is what he was famously called..
The dude with the
French beard and a shaven bald..

She looked happy and
she looked calm..
She looked content and
still carried her charm..

My colors faded
faster than i thought..
I blamed myself for
the lost jewel i sought..

I was still sipping the un-cherished agony
when she approached with a glass of wine..
Told me about her ploy to open my eyes,
cleared
the clouds of lies with her lightening shine..

My heart beats paced,
before
the heart could sublime..
Mind was still furious but the heart
pounced
with joy stating - She is still mine..

--sudharm baxi
Thanks 3WW, the inspiration for this conventional poem, the three words were - Flirt, Ploy and Stunning.

36 comments:

anthonynorth said...

A tricky moment nicely told.

ThomG said...

What man doesn't think like this on occasion? Nicely told.

Viji said...

that's a beautiful narration.. what a poetry!! the curtain rises, play enacted and with a flourish the curtain came down :)
awesome sudharm

Crack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gigidiaz said...

I think it's nice to get that look into his thinking. Even though it's not a super long piece you did great at putting us right there with him.

Tumblewords: said...

A well-told story - a good read!

Brosreview said...

Honestly, a neatly told story!!! Good job!!!

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Neat story, love the name - Sam the flirt!

Jeeves said...

Nice one :)

sudharm baxi said...

@anthonynorth,
Thank you.

@ThomG,
Is it? i feel men think more on such occasions :)

@Viji,
Thank you for the lovely words.

@Shradha,
It still takes guts to drop by, thanks!!

@gigidiaz,
Glad that you could visualize.

@Tumblewords,
Thank you.

@Ajey,
Wished a little more from you.

@Sweettalkingguy,
yeah, that sounds a flirt, isn't it?

@Jeeves,
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Superb work bro!!!!!!!!
It was more then just good
it was a bful momrnt caught perfectely in words.
Great job bro
as always............
Gaurav

Lokesh said...

mind blowing ......superb..

Thanks for writng

Pretty Me!! said...

wonderful wonderful poem !!! just a request .. maybe breaking the pattern of poem is not that a bad idea.. not a good one too !! :)

sudharm baxi said...

@Gaurav,
@Lokesh,

Thanks

@Pretty Me,
Agreed. I maintained the flow in the complete piece but at the end, tried stuffing so much in so less and hence had to break the flow a little, but gonna work on it again right away..thanks for suggesting.

sudharm baxi said...

Refurbished last few stanzas..

Pretty Me!! said...

see.. it was really not difficult ;) !! perfect now !!

Pretty Me!! said...

and thanks for accepting my request .. glad u did not mind it .. u r always welcome to provide suggestions to me !

sudharm baxi said...

@Pretty Me,
What was there to mind, anyways heart rules when it comes to poetry..
Suggestions are always welcome, thanks a bunch again!!

lissa said...

sweet rhyming and I like that it's like a tale with a happy ending

sudharm baxi said...

@lissa,

Here in India, we generally prefer happy endings and same goes for this poem.
Thanks for dropping by..

quin browne said...

joy found in the last line!

Crack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AdellBeek said...

Is the chase so grand? I like the story you told with your poem.

Mairi said...

Thanks for stopping by my site. Glad to find yours and discover all your experiments with form and inspiration.

maglomaniac said...

She is still yours.
Wonderful.
And man she will be yours alwaz.
Just dont let your head come in between your heart atleast when love is concerned.
And man its raining comments.Again wonderful

deepteshpoetry said...

Who is she?Nice one anyway.Chk out the one on my blog now....it's ghostly.

sudharm baxi said...

@quin,
Happy ending you see..

@Shradha,
haha, don't really agree.

@AdellBeek,
The chase is always grand when the matters concern love :)

@Mairi,
Glad that you liked it.

@Harsha,
Thank you man, good that you liked it and can't really help with the head thing, it always puts me into trouble just to suggest ways of getting out.

@deeptesh,
Can't really tell. ;)
Thank you.

Sofia-Free Ads said...

The emotion is there, I felt it:-)

Angel said...

Guess she opened his eyes good. Very well done.

Tan said...

You used the prompt very well here... nice to read that :)

I'm still enjoying my vacation. Spent sometime in writing this story. want you to read it and tell me how it is. Hope you like it.

Mistake: A Scary reason @ Thus Wrote Tan!

sudharm baxi said...

@Angel,
Thanks..

@Tan
Thank you.. and straight away coming over to read your piece.

Meena said...

It's nice how I am on the narrator's side near the end and almost cheered when he won.

sudharm baxi said...

@Meena,
Glad that you could relate to the piece...

niket said...

Beautifying the beauty as if
a dove in a cloudy mess...

good work!! no.. great work!!

sudharm baxi said...

@niket,
Glad that you liked it, thanks for dropping by..

Gonzaleszext said...

joy found in the last line!